Pssssst... Babes

Ladies. Let me speak to you for a minute...

Image received from Huffington Post

If you've ever walked the streets of Jamaica you may have heard the phrase which is the subject of this blog post. Depending on where you're from you may hear different variations of it:

"Hey lil' mama. Lemmi holla at you for a minute".

"Girl bring your tail ova here".

"Hey... Come gimme some sugah".

Just a few of the variations I've heard.

Some women hate the attention they receive from these hollering men but others bask in the glory of attraction. To be honest, I don't mind it when it isn't too offensive, for example when it is NOT followed by allusions to sexual activities, more so graphic sexual imagery, or touching. However depending on the persistence of your suitor one of the aforementioned may occur.

I have to admit sometimes when I go to the mall/ plaza or anywhere I'd expect to get some attention and don't get it... I feel almost like I used my last life in candy crush with just one more obstacle to overcome. It's a weird feeling, akin to depression or a general feeling of failure.  This only happens when I'm not particularly busy or if it's a leisurely shopping day. (Hopefully that last sentence made it seem like I wasn't totally insane... I hope)

Let's get into the meat of the matter, shall we? I've been hearing / reading many tips and tricks on how to get and keep a man. I've been hearing some ridiculous criteria for good men and ludicrous ultimatums that women believe they are entitled to... Why exactly? Because you're a woman? I'm going to share a few tips/ thoughts on healthy relationships.

1. Don't dumb down

If you have to become a brainless, spineless asshole to get a man's attention, or to maintain the relationship... then NO. Don't dumb down just to make someone like you and as a result stay with you. If you are unable to communicate openly and honestly with your partner then what's the point? Your fake ass dumb down pretence will affect your relationship relations in a REAL way. Think twice.

2. Know when to let shit go

Now I may not have much authority on this, since I'm still working on it. As women it's hard to let things go, especially when you believe you were right all along. But you really have to know when to stop saying "I told you so", "You should've listened to me", "You never listen to me, that's why this happened". No matter how much satisfaction it gives you it ANNOYS the heck out of your partner. This also causes strain on the relationship when these situations arise because you'll be able to feel the tension between the two of you and then it will affect how you both relate to each other until someone or both let/s it go. When you let it go and convincingly so, it will allow you both to achieve resolutions faster and without any sort of animosity.

3. Swallow your pride and compromise

It should always be about you shouldn't it? Yeah, I'd appreciate that too. But over the years I've realized compromise is a beautiful thing. When you both work together to achieve a desired result that both are comfortable with it strengthens the relationship. It also earns you random acts of kindness and "all about you" days :). So it ends up being a win-win situation, even if you had to give up something initially.

4. Don't make demands [unless it's drug/health related]

Don't give him ridiculous ultimatums or demand a specific behaviour unless it has to do with bettering his health or kicking a drug habit. Nobody wants to be instructed to do something like a child. Discussion helps a lot where this situation would arise.

5. Surprises, just because

Many people feel only women like surprises. Lemmi tell you these niggas (I should stop saying this) love surprises. Perhaps even more than we do. Of course he may not show it much but that extra tight hug or extra wide smile are telling signs. Plan some small surprises randomly for him and he'll pretty much give you the world without you asking.

6. Know when to stop nagging

I know I know a lot of things bother you. A lot bothers me too. But remember how much you hated your mother's constant talking... the nagging every time she saw you doing something and would prefer it done her way? Yeah you hated that didn't you... Don't be that mom to your man.

7. Give him his way sometimes too

I know you're worth it. But so is he. Make him feel like it sometimes.

8. Boo, it's not all about you

"My man should pay for me to do my hair and he should buy me clothes and he should take me out once a week"...  Girl please remember this is a relationship... It comprises two people, not you alone. Hence your issues are not the only ones that matter. When you remember things are not always about you then things can go smoothly.

9. Stop those crazy ass ultimatums. That shit ain't helping nobody

Just making sure I'm getting the point across.

10. Listen to your heart

Your friends although they're your friends can give some shitty ass advice sometimes. It's your relationship. If he's abusing you mentally or otherwise then the decision should be clear but in other instances  be true to your heart.

11. Stand by your man (unless he's abusing you)

Bonnie and Clyde shit.. No not really that's illegal. But you should be supportive and ensure that you're always there for him. Have his back like one of his niggas but y'know do those things his niggas can't do when you get home. However, if he's abusing you...  Then no.

12. Shut up

You know you don't have to comment on every single thing right? Silence is golden.

13. Stop 'testing' your relationship

"Oooo let me see how strong our relationship is"... Stop this. You're going to end up losing your relationship if you keep up these tests.

14. Don't lose yourself. You were someone before you met him

"I can't do anything without him. We're one now". No you are you and he is he. Remember you two weren't always together? Remember you had a personality before he came into the picture? Don't lose yourself trying to hold on to a relationship... Because if it does end, who will you be? That guy's ex-girlfriend who can't function without him?

15. Stop asking to see/ sneaking to look at his cell phone

This may be important to a lot of people... Seeing your boyfriend's phone. If you trust him, then trust him all the way. Whatever is in his phone is his business and if it will affect the relationship it will reveal itself. Relax a little.

16. Respect your man

Respect goes a long way. If you love him respect him. If it's just a fling respect him. No matter what kind of relationship you're engaged in respect should be the base.

17. Take a chill pill, not every argument is worth it

Yep I said it, well typed it but you get the idea. Don't you just hate when someone tells you to "relax"? Avoid it and just do it yourself. You'll figure out which situations warrant an argument or some sort of passionate response. Others don't even need the bat of an eye lid. Take a chill pill sometimes boo, it's good for the soul.

18. Talk to each other

I don't think I have to expound on this. Conversation is the best kept secret to healthy relationships.

19. Spend time alone doing stupid shit

Listen, stupid shit brings you so close together lol. You'll find out just how much joy there is in doing stupid stuff together.

20. Know your boundaries

In any relationship or friendship there are boundaries. Despite the fact that you'll allow some things to roll off your back, make sure you make him aware of your boundariea and ensure you know his.

Happy frolicking

More love... More life.