#RESOLVElutions : June is for Jealousy
It's the sixth month of the year, which signals many things including: that I am behind in achieving my summer body yet again (😧) but more importantly that I am half way through the #RESOLVElutions series (YAAY!).
Many of us have encountered the word jealousy, fewer of us will admit to actually harbouring these feelings towards others. However, this is the subject of this month's blog and podcast recording.
To be jealous, a definition the the illustrious Dictionary.com :
1.
feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry,success, or advantages (often followed by of):
He was jealous of his rich brother.
2.
feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc.(often followed by of):
He was jealous of his brother's wealth.
3.
characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment:
a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.
4.
inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness,etc., as in love or aims:
a jealous husband.
If we are going to be honest with ourselves, we would admit that we have been jealous at least once in or lives. Now after seeing those definitions and feeling how heavy "resentment" sounds, we want to deny it. However, jealousy does not have to be as vicious as that; and surely it will not look the same for everyone.
Seeing a person with the things, accomplishments, job, and even partner that you would want and having that thought of "why you and not me" creep into your head is in fact jealousy. You don't have to go to the extremes of harming or endangering the person (e.g.: tripping someone like I did 🙈... that story will be shared shortly) for it to be considered as such. Those small jealous pangs when you've been trying to achieve something for years and someone achieves it seemingly within the snap of a finger, without much effort.
The jealousy you feel when you've worked so hard for something and then someone much younger than you with perhaps less experience than you achieves or obtains this thing - basically rendering your achievement useless. Sometimes it can take the form of wanting something so badly and having so many odds stacked against you, and then having to share space with someone who has obtained/achieved/earned this thing.
I really didn't want for anything in my childhood - except my sister's affection. I admired (and still admire) her so much and really wanted her all to myself, pretty much all the time. Then one of our neighbours started coming over to play more frequently. She was closer to my age and we would always play with my dolls (this was before I even knew about Barbies), but she always seemed to fancy my sister more. I was okay with this because she would always go home at the end of the day and then my sister would be all mine again for the week (she only came over on Saturday afternoons).
However, one summer she went to America. She returned one Friday evening and she ran over to the house the following morning to tell us all about her trip, it was her first time on a plane. My sister and I had already travelled quite a bit, but we were excited to hear about her experience. After a lengthy chat she took out a single square of gum (might have been Hubba Bubba, but certainly not Bubblicious) and handed it to my sister. Now, I would not have been offended if she carried nothing back from America for us; but how could you come to play with us every Saturday and bring back one square of gum, not for both of us but just one.
Now I had already felt pangs of jealousy given the fact that she played with my sister more, but after this display it became something else. It may have even felt like betrayal. I've said this before, I was much more careless with my speech and actions as a child - I said whatever came to mind and did the same (my parents, especially my mother, kept me in check though). So I did what any jealous, scorned child would do...
Our backyard at the time, was what is called a stone garden. Grass was impossible to grow there so my father packed it with various coloured stones. This girl was pretty thin, she would probably be the same built as someone you picture when you hear the term "flesh and bones". We usually played outside in the stone garden. That day after it sunk in that she really only carried back that square of gum for my sister accompanied by the excuse that "that was all she could carry back" (I had seen my parents pack suitcases, I was well aware of what a person could carry back) I felt pretty sad. So as she was about to sit back down to play, I moved the chair and she fell. Her thin body hit the rocks, and I sat down continuing to play with my dolls. She never came back to play and I was okay with that.
Now, I have come a long way from this incident and have learnt many things. Jealousy can manifest in many negative things. I had a colleague whose aunt conspired to murder her siblings because their mother had left them land but had not left any plots for her. Jealousy can overtake us and cause us do terrible things. But, it can also drive us to be exactly what we want to be.
If you're jealous, there is some sort of desire within you. Use this desire to get you to where you want to go. Don't tear down another in order to get what you want, but use your jealousy of them to admire their accomplishments and work towards better.
There are a great many lessons we can learn from being jealous, primary among them is you don't know the circumstances under which someone has achieved whatever it is you are jealous of them for. An example of this was evident while I was in high school. Without trying very hard I achieved pretty good CSEC (Caribbean Secondary Examination Council, exams we have to take at the end of the tenth grade for the non-Jamaicans who may be reading this) results. There was a girl who had achieved even better, she had taken perhaps 5 more subjects (I did 8 - that's pretty much the standard for the school - and she did 13 I believe). That didn't annoy me, what annoyed me is that the principal would never stop saying her name (I can't remember it now though). I then found out, after speaking to her in a small group, that she had a photographic memory. Can't compete with that now can you?
Let's transform our jealousy into good energy that will propel us far beyond our expectations.
Comments