#RESOLVElutions: November is for NO!

People always say you need to know when to say no... but do we ever listen?

This is one I know for sure is always on resolution lists - "learn to say no"  or "say no more often. 

I am from a very close knit family, where I've picked up a "Yes culture". I have never heard my father or mother tell one of their siblings "no" (unless it was for that sibling's own good). Helping a friend, a loved one, or a family member is what the family does. So, I strive to help people all the time in any way I can. 

However, this kind of attitude can't take you very far for very long. You can easily become a door mat. A welcome mat, serving everyone except yourself. Hopefully you've read some of the previous blog posts and have come to the realization that this is no way to live. 

Saying no is not only about preserving your sanity; knowing your limits; understanding your boundaries; making time for self-care; but is also about you having the right to say no. Saying no is not illegal. It took me some time to really get married to this concept of "saying no is okay". You don't always have to be on call for everyone (especially if they're not on call for you... but let's not reduce this to pettiness). Even computers (while man-made), which literally spend all their time serving humans, have to reboot; be serviced; have some kind of downtime. 

Don't allow colleagues; friends; coworkers; or anyone else to guilt you into saying "yes" when you either really don't want to do something or would prefer to decline because of whatever reason. Your time; space; energy is valuable. Don't expend yourself endlessly, how will you recharge?

Saying no is more than just declining to do something, though; it is also about being confident in sharing your opinions with people when you disagree with theirs. My early work life was perforated with me being in agreement with my varying bosses and supervisors. I was the young girl, fresh out of University, who was there to learn how the world worked and they were the more experienced adults that would be my teachers. However, by my second (or maybe third) position I became cognizant of the fact that I was not just a young, inexperienced wildling (too much Game of Thrones) ... but someone with opinions which should also be valued. Someone with a voice that should be used and heard. 

It took me some time to really find my voice and assert my own opinions into conversation in the workplace. Agreeing to disagree is also a decision that we can take as adult human beings. We do not have to agree with everyone's ideas; and not agreeing does not mean you have to be silenced. Friction = Change. 

When you come/ came to this realization, I hope it will be/ it was in a place that welcomed open dialogue (not one that suppressed oppression). However, if you have realized this in a stifling environment then you'll either leave; stay, but be unhappy and quarrel about everything; or it will begin stifling you (drowning out your opinions of disagreement).

No is a word for the empowered. Embrace it; Use it; and don't apologize for it. This whole idea that you have to say yes to everything is problematic; concerning; and downright harmful, especially for children (and especially with adults). Thoughts of abuse come to mind - the idea that you need to be compliant in every situation to avoid friction and harm (but this post is not for that); but now we see that this simple ideology, may not be that simple.