My Whole Life I've Been on Auto-Pilot

Thus far, I've had a good run. You know? I can't say I can complain much about anything at this point, but...

I can't help thinking I can do so much more. I have been able to have an okay level of success without trying too hard at anything. I have been coasting along in relative mediocrity. I've been able to achieve some life goals, but I have not had to exert much effort to do this. 

While I was attempting to re-programme my brain last year through the #RESOLVElutions series, I began to focus on this "auto-pilot" behaviour a bit more. I mean ... it had not limited my success thus far, by my estimation at least, but how can I really know for sure whether I missed out on any opportunities? 

It's been an okay life so far. My friends are all in a good place and I feel like we're all on the same level and it's a good level. But, every so often we have a conversation about where we are and where we want to be, the uncertainty of the future, etc...

After one of our recent conversations, it got me thinking that I have perhaps been doing this as a survival tactic. I'm not much of a risk-taker (do you know how many times you lose if you don't take any risks? ZERO.); and it preserves my sanity so I don't think I've over-exerted for naught. It may even ensure that I am only using just enough of my brain to complete a task well so I have "preserved" the rest for larger tasks that may arise (I suppose?). 

But no matter how I try to rationalize this, it is limiting. I'm essentially limiting myself by "controlling" or minimizing my abilities in this way. I have been shielding myself from the consequences of risk-taking... but to what end? To live comfortably in mediocrity? 

Whenever someone asks me whether I did my best, I've lied. 

I didn't even think I was lying to be honest, because I had come to believe that whatever I had done was my best effort; but it was in fact the highest level of average I needed to complete the task successfully. I don't even know what my best effort looks like for any activity. 

So in 2018, I am going to give it my best I guess... whatever that looks like.